You guys are under fire from every direction at the moment. You don’t know what the hell women want anymore. You’re getting mixed messages all over the place.
- You hear you should pay for dinner, wait— no, don’t pay for dinner — or are you supposed to go dutch?
- Do you open doors and pull chairs out for her? Or does that diminish the independent, capable woman that she is?
- Does leaning in for a good-night kiss make you a predator? Or if you don’t, will you be put in the “friend zone”?
With so many mixed signals, how are you supposed to take me out without second guessing yourself at every turn? I get it, you feel like you’re under a microscope.
Luckily, I’m here to offer my assistance. Let me help block out all the noise and get you back on track for our first date. I have some easy dos and don’ts for taking a me out.
First the DOs — it’s simple, treat me like you care.
Be on time. Showing up on time tells me that getting to know me is important to you and our date is a priority. Being late kills any excitement I have as I sit there waiting. If you want me to be happy to see you, be on time.
Look me in eye. When we meet up and hug, shake hands or whatever greeting we may have, make eye contact. It immediately gets our date off to a good start because you seem like a solid guy. Let the sparks fly.
Look your best. Even if we’re in a casual place, make sure you look like you care about being there. Shower, shave and wear something that makes you look like you tried. Looking disheveled tells me you’re either a slob or don’t care enough about our date to try. Both scenarios are a dead end.
Ask me questions. It shows you’re interested in me and what I have to say. It helps to connect with you and be open to getting to know you better. Asking about me is the best way for you to say, “I like you and want to get to know you”.
Use Humor. Your smile is attractive. We’re just getting to know each other and it should be positive and fun. Laughing is the best way to my heart and great way to flirt.
If you want to kiss me, do it. If our date is going well and you’re feeling it, watch for the signs. If I’m giving off the kiss-me vibe by leaning in, just kiss me please.
If you want a second date, ask for it. Walking away from a great first date is always a little unnerving. I’m thinking, “was he feeling it too?”. If you ask directly as we say goodbye, “I had a great time, are you interested in getting together this weekend?”, my answer will be a resounding YES!
Now the DON’TS — please take notes.
Don’t exaggerate. Be honest. If you only go to the gym twice a year, don’t exaggerate and say you go twice a week. If you rent your house, don’t say you own it. Your exaggerations will flush out sooner or later and you’ll be left looking like a tool.
Don’t order for me. It’s crazy in this age of enlightenment that I have to say this explicitly. I know what I want and can order for myself. It’s nice if you flag down the server if they forget my side salad, but I’m a big girl and can order my own dinner.
Don’t do all the talking and don’t interrupt. When you talk too much, it seems like you think everything you say is uber important. If you interrupt when you finally give me a minute to respond, it’s clear you’re not interested in getting to know me. Even if what you’re saying is interesting, I don’t want to waste my time with a blabbermouth who never stops talking.
Don’t bring up your ex. This should be a no brainer, but I don’t want to hear about your ex(es) on the first date. I don’t want to think about your past and I certainly don’t want to talk about mine. We can unpack all that baggage later, but tonight let’s just have a nice time talking about a future that may include the both of us.
Don’t check your phone. Checking notifications on your phone makes me think you’d rather be somewhere else. Is there something going on more important than our first date? By all means — go ahead and go.
Don’t talk about sex. Bringing up sex on a first date is a total turn-off because it looks like you just want a quick and easy shag. Sex on the first date is off the table for me (and most women) regardless of how much I like you. So, when you bring it up, my defenses go on high alert. I spend the rest of the date avoiding the subject and watching the clock.
First Dates are Easier Than You Think
I know it feels like the dating world is full of landmines but honestly, it’s not complicated. I just want to feel like you are genuinely interested in getting to know me.
So right now, I’m at home getting ready to spend the evening with you. I’m thinking about you as I’m doing my hair and putting on lipstick. I’m hoping you’re a great guy and we have a strong connection.
With these tips, I’m optimistic for that second date.
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This post was previously published on Long. Sweet. Valuable.
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