Men and women both have absolute deal breakers and little annoyances that can destroy a first date.
Men and women have committed first date faux pas since the invention of dating. Out of context comments like, “Can I smell your hair?” “What was the date of your last period?” “How many guys have you slept with?” and “Are your nipples pinkish or brownish or neither?,” are comments that will send a man straight to the no second date dog house. Women commit their fair share of dating crimes but it’s time to focus on the guys.
These are the top 5 ways men accidentally morph into Buzz Killington on a first date:
1) Talking about your family and referring to your mom as “mother.”
Example: “Oh yes, mother absolutely adores when I comb her hair during Jeopardy.” Dude…. just, don’t. Most women are looking for someone that values and appreciates their mother because it indicates an underlying respect toward women, but it’s a little Norman Bates to be calling your mom “Mother” like it’s her first name.
2) Talking about all your ex’s and all the things they did wrong.
You never want to leave her wondering if any woman could ever please you and your impossibly high standards. If you’ve been serially cheated on or involved with negative partners and only negative partners, you’re unconsciously introducing negativity to a happy and casual first date experience. Plus, it’s just classier to leave your exes where they belong: in the past. Be positive!
3) Asking “Are you really going to order that?”
(Okay, but do you know how many calories that contains/eye roll face.) You shouldn’t be worried about the caloric intake of your date unless you’re on a date at a suspect gas station and she’s reaching for slippery pre-made sushi. She will either feel really self conscious (even if you meant it in an impressed “I’ve never seen ANYONE order a 60oz steak” kind of way), or she’s going to order whatever that is, get extra cheese and bacon, then ask for a dessert menu. You offered to take her out on a date so don’t act weird when she enjoys herself.
4) (If you’re divorced and have children) speaking poorly of your ex-wife and her parenting methods (or lack thereof).
It’s not a therapy session. It’s a first date. Keep it light. “I like meditating. Deepak Chopra’s last book was a life-changer. What do you like to do for fun…?” You might have the ex-wife from hell, but it could set off a red flag in your date’s head. She probably will feel sorry for you but the mood is going to get heavy and you’ll be focusing on a woman that’s not your new date. No woman wants to compete for your attention…even if it’s negative attention.
5) Focusing on yourself too much.
Your wants and needs are very important in finding happiness but this living, breathing, beautiful woman across the table from you could be absolutely fascinating. She’s a professional rock climber and an editor for a prestigious Yoga magazine and you’re blithering away about how you felt so rejected at the farmers market when they ran out of Swiss chard. Act interested in her! Don’t start every sentence with “I” and get her talking about herself.
by Kyriel Manzo
This post originally appeared at MeetMindful. Reprinted with permission.
You can find Kyriel browsing the stands at the Amish Farmers Market, at the dog park with her rescue hound named Bruno, or begging her fiance to go for a hike.