There is no bigger turn off than a man who doesn’t know himself, fumbles through interactions oblivious to how he affects others.
With this said there is nothing sexier than a man with high emotional intelligence and here is why …
It’s the very same for relationships, without the ability to relate to another person with self-awareness and self-regulation, you miss the opportunity to deepen connection which is what leads to quality relationships, even quality flings!
Psychology Today defines Emotional intelligence as: “the ability to identify and manage your own emotions and the emotions of others”.
When your missing this skill set you tend to repeat the same mistakes again and again. You tend to find yourself ‘friend zoned’ or getting into relationship patterns you don’t even want but somehow keep getting into them. Dating the same type of people and complaining that there’s no decent prospects out there. You also tend to be too full on or all invested because you are not using head and heart, just letting your emotions drive you.
That’s the first reason its sexy and powerful, a person with a healthy EI can actually relate to themselves and you better. Which leads to deeper connection, shared understandings and a lot less games and explosive arguments. ( Think about all the ease) Also more of getting what you want and less of what you don’t want!
A person with high EI is self-motivated, they don’t need you to direct their life or choices, they have goals and ambitions that are theirs. They will usually have an optimistic approach to life and see challenges as opportunities rather than knock backs. (Think about all the new experiences they will bring in)
Someone who doesn’t develop this quality will only be as motivated as their partner requires them to be, they will flake on doing things that matter and accomplishing things personally and professionally, they tend to feel stuck more than empowered. They tend to be passive in life and things fall apart a lot for them.
The second reason people with high EI rock is they are more likely to progress in their life because they are aware of who they are and what they want from life. No more I dunno’s and way more this is what I wants. No more waiting for life to get better, they make it better.
People with healthy EI have empathy for others. They enjoy connecting with people, they will see and feel for people because they have a genuine interest in others wellbeing.
People without this skill set tend to think about themselves first and are more concerned with how things look, than being close to people. They tend to withdraw from people and get into thinking styles that include ‘no one gets me’ or ‘they are all wrong’ .
This is the third reason they are sexy as damn, it means the person is equipped to connect with children, animals and other people in a compassionate way. It makes them less likely to be arrogant, self-serving and self-absorbed. They are more likely to think about what’s good for everyone involved.
They will be able to build rapport and trust with others quicker than those without EI. They relate to others easily and its genuine. You can bring them to meet your friends, you can trust what they say and do. They will be consistent. ( Think about all the fun at nights out and how they can be your friend as well as your lover)
To sum up the qualities of an emotionally intelligent person versus not:
- Self-aware vs. Oblivious to their feelings/thoughts/actions
- Considerate vs. self absorbed & running an agenda
- Self-motivated vs. passive & waiting for life or someone to make things better for them
- Empathetic vs. Don’t understand the impact they have on others or how others feel
- Compassionate vs. Uses a get over it attitude instead of how can I help approach
- People person vs. Avoiding people or using people
- Genuine vs. puts on a show
- Less drama/games vs. games & drama
- Consistent vs. all over the place and contradicting themselves, making commitments and flaking out on plans
- Optimistic vs. pessimistic (nothing ever goes my way)
- Resilience vs. I am a defined by what has happened to me
Are you Emotionally Intelligent or siding more towards not?
What would your ex’s say based on this list?
What would your best mate say?
The good news, emotional intelligence is really boiled down to 5 key aspects:
Self-awareness, Self-regulation, Motivation, Empathy and People skills.
All of these can be taught! EI can be taught and developed over time.
Thats why so many CEO’s and entrepreneurs go to coaches now! They know the quickest path to success in life, business or relationships boils down to how well they manage themselves in each situation.
I am going to give you a sneak peek into building your own Emotional Intelligence with 3 key hacks! so you can be happy and sexy as hell too!
#1 – Develop self awareness & self regulation
This one can be done in a number of ways, therapy, coaching and self-reflection. All you need to do is become aware of what is motivating you to say or do what you are doing.
Meditation, walking in nature and any form of spending a quality time alone can approach you to your true self and develop more self-awareness.
A good starting point can be writing about your feelings on a daily basis and beside each feeling writing the action you took in response to it. Over a week you will see a common thread of responses, at that point you review them and ask yourself, are these responses supporting me connecting authentically and openly with people? If not, change the response!
#2 – Motivation
Start thinking about who you are and what you want from your life. Get clear about where you want to go in life and then start implementing small changes on a daily basis that will support your future plan. Start taking action, rather than waiting around, start owning your life and making effective choices.
# 3 – Empathy & people skills
Empathy is about really relating to people, not just thinking it but feeling compassion for someone else. If this is difficult figure out what causes your passionate about and go volunteer in that area. This is a slower process but the most beautiful to me, you can improve your skills by being around people and also giving freely.
Another way is to spend time with children or elderly family and practice being present and seeing them as valuable people. see how that feels.
The most important part of this to me is, EI can not be faked until you make it.
You need to make the 5 key aspects of Emotional Intelligence a practice. Until you feel them authentically, automatically have the thoughts that support you EI and then the behavior becomes second nature.
Then, you continue the practice because we can never be too sexy or too happy!
Photo by iStock
This originally appeared on Wingman Magazine.