How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly normal human being.
Oscar Wilde
A few weeks ago, I wrote a piece entitled “But First, Listen”. The email subject line? “But she’s wrong….”
No matter how David tried to explain it, the response was the same.
It took me back to a conversation my husband had with his co-workers twenty years ago.
A recently married husband was talking about an argument he and his wife had over the preceding weekend. He stated that he knew his wife was wrong. All the men present, in unison, said, “It doesn’t matter.”
Not being able to admit when you are mistaken about something, no matter if you are the husband or the wife, is problematic.
No one is right about everything. To pretend otherwise is not only unrealistic, it’s disrespectful.
Now there are times when neither of you is “wrong”. This is when you have different feelings about something. Like when one of you is cold when it’s 68 and the other isn’t. Or one of you thinks that the new restaurant or movie is great and the other doesn’t.
These are just opinions. And they’re like belly buttons—everybody has one.
There are times when one of you may be factually wrong and it truly doesn’t matter. Whether the conversation happened on Monday morning or Thursday afternoon. Whether, as part of a story, you say something is ½” instead of 5/8”. Unless you need an exact measurement, it’s not that important.
But if you’re catching a plane in New York and you’re leaving from JFK, you are wrong if you end up at La Guardia. And that makes a difference.
When one of you is wrong and it does matter, you end up minimizing or invalidating your partner’s position.
This occurs all the time. And it’s destructive.
It’s what happens when men are told that “it doesn’t matter” when their wives are wrong about something.
In truth, it’s actually disrespectful to both partners. To him for taking the position that she is wrong when she is. To her for being too fragile to handle honest critique.
This pattern imbalances the relationship. If she is always “right”, by definition, that makes him always “wrong”.
Needing to be right all the time is unsustainable and antagonistic to a loving, equal relationship no matter who is doing it.
JOIN OUR FREE FACEBOOK GROUP FOR MEN ONLY,
GOOD GUYS, GREAT HUSBANDS
—
Previously Published on The Hero Husband Project and is republished on Medium.
***
You Might Also Like These From The Good Men Project
 |
 |
 |
 |
Join The Good Men Project as a Premium Member today.
All Premium Members get to view The Good Men Project with NO ADS.
A $50 annual membership gives you an all access pass. You can be a part of every call, group, class and community.
A $25 annual membership gives you access to one class, one Social Interest group and our online communities.
A $12 annual membership gives you access to our Friday calls with the publisher, our online community.
Register New Account
Need more info? A complete list of benefits is here.
—
Photo credit: iStock
