Male Stereotype Number 19: Men Can't Handle Commitment

For the sake of transparency, I will admit that at this point in my life I fit this stereotype. Commitment is not something to take lightly, and to declare oneself committed implies some level of stability. It also implies that two people want the same things.

Even when I am stable (financially, mentally, physically, etc.), I am far more likely to find someone I get along with at the moment rather than someone with a similar vision for the future.

This can be disappointing to both parties, but there’s nothing wrong with setting aside commitment as long as both parties are honest with each other about what they want and don’t want. Not every physical or emotional connection requires commitment. In fact, commitment can be the downfall of a great connection.

It can be like trying to capture a magnificent butterfly in a net and (accidentally) killing it in the process. In the end, nothing lasts. It took me decades to dispense with the illusion of control and learn how to enjoy the moment. I suggest everyone try it before they even think about commitment.

That last bit of advice was directed more at women because, if there is one stereotype I believe about women, it’s that they seek commitment prematurely. I have had women talk to me about kids before we even decided we were a thing — in one case even before we got to second base. And although this is an extreme example, it’s not the only time a woman decided to swing for the fences when a base hit would have sufficed (to use another baseball analogy). I used to take it as a compliment, but now I see it as a form of control. Sorry, but just because I kiss you, does not mean I want to sire your child.

The worst case of this was when my first girlfriend told me that she had to have her children. I added the emphasis, but she actually said “my” children rather than “our” children. Where did I fit into that picture?

I was a young free-spirit who never stated or implied that I was interested in having kids — particularly her kids. When I enter into a relationship, it’s with the view that the relationship is an end in and of itself. If a shared mortgage, marriage, and children are the natural result of that relationship, then congrats on a job well done — but relegating a relationship to the mere means of achieving those ends feels disingenuous and manipulative.

Yes, men should be criticized for delaying or rejecting commitment when it’s the logical result of a strong, romantic connection, but it’s just as destructive to a relationship to attempt to force a commitment that isn’t there. Everyone who has been in a relationship will recall that initial, magical period of getting to know someone new and losing oneself in the moment like a child on Christmas morning.

Don’t ruin it by bringing up the future. To (mis)quote Barney the beloved purple dinosaur from my childhood: I love you and you love me. We don’t (necessarily) have to be a happy family.

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Male Stereotype Number One: Men Don’t Cry

Male Stereotype Number Two: Men Don’t Ask for Directions

Male Stereotype Number Three: Men are Competitive

Male Stereotype Number Four: Men Don’t Cook

Male Stereotype Number Five: Men are Warriors

Male Stereotype Number Six: Men Are Clumsy

Male Stereotype Number Seven: Men Are Aggressive

Male Stereotype Number Eight: Men are Either Good or Evil

Male Stereotype Number Nine: Men Can’t Be Friends with Women

Male Stereotype Number Ten: Men are Strong

Male Stereotype Number 11: Men are Breadwinners

Male Stereotype Number 12: Men Don’t Refuse Sex

Male Stereotype Number 13: Men ‘Manspread’

Male Stereotype Number 14: Men ‘Mansplain’

Male Stereotype Number 15: Men Don’t Listen

Male Stereotype Number 16: Men Are Better Drivers

Male Stereotype Number 17: Men Like Porn

Male Stereotype Number 18: Men Don’t Do Therapy

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