Couples, especially married ones, are in an immense need for new tools to spice up their sex life.
These findings, according to one large study on 38,747 people find 59% of men and 42 percent of women say they feel less desired by their partners than how they were at the beginning of their relationships. For this reason, I’ve made you a list of eight things to do to spice up your sex life based on research and expert findings.
(1) Rediscover your beauty.
“Once you start displaying attractiveness, they will be compelled by their own sex drive to start paying you attention.” Writes Athol Kay author of The Married Man Sex Life. If your sex life has been on hold for a while or if, for any reason, you lost touch with your looks, then let now be the time you look vibrant again. Hit the gym, eat healthily, smell better, shave quite often, dress for sex as frequent as possible and get a bunch of new underwear.
(2) Don’t miss a week without going for it.
A recent study by San Diego State University suggests that married Americans had less sex per year in 2010-2014 compared to 2000-2004. You can blame this on the economy, but it still won’t matter. Having your sexual needs met is the core of every happy relationship.
According to David Frederick, Ph.D., assistant professor of psychology at Chapman University, “Sexual satisfaction and maintenance of passion were higher among people who had sex more frequently, received more oral sex, had more consistent orgasms, incorporated more variety of sexual acts, took the time to set a mood and practiced effective sexual communication.”
So how often should you have sex? At least once a week, and it’s better to be arranged so none of you flakes. Have fun with it, don’t make a chore out of it but also make it a habit that you continuously create intimacy via sex. According to Dr. Ava Cadell, sexologist and author of The Sexy Little Book of Sex Games, “Having regular sex in a relationship increases intimate communication.”
(3) Go somewhere new.
“If you’re in a relationship, all you should be doing is fucking and going places.” – Chris Rock.
Any dollar you spend on experiences is a well-spent one. According to many studies, spending money on experiences, such as travelling, generates more happiness than shopping. And why you need happiness? Because you can’t have proper sex when you’re depressed. Libido is created in the brain, and with depression, it becomes difficult for your sexual organs to respond to stimulations. So a good rule is to take your partner somewhere new if you feel a little bit off.
In one survey by the U.S. Travel Association, 66 percent of American couples said that a weekend vacation with their partners created more intimacy buying them expensive Valentine gifts. Seventy-Seven percent of those surveyed also noted that those short trips improved their sex life. So, this may be an excellent time to make use of those sick days and check your travel agent for a quick romantic trip.
(4) Help them look more appealing.
Darren Hardy, the founder of SUCCESS Magazine, tried this with his wife and it worked like magic. Simply, use a journal and write one new thing each day that you like about your partner (you have to come up with something). By finding them more appealing, you’ll increase your appetite for passionate sex.
(5) Don’t just read sexual self-help books.
You know that Kama Sutra you bought a year ago, take it off the shelves, blow off the dust, and use it.
According to this study on sexual satisfaction between couples, almost half of the surveyed couples read sexual self-help books – both the satisfied and the sexually dissatisfied ones. The difference, however, between both parties was implementation. Those who had the best sex applied what they learned in the books they read while those who didn’t go past the reading phase probably got better at only giving sex tips.
If you’re absolutely serious about spicing up your sex life then go for it. Try new sex positions and don’t shy away just because you don’t want to look fool or newbie. Studies suggest that even insects can benefit from trying new sex positions, besides, learning is never bad when it includes naked people.
(6) Learn how to tease.
Be funny, especially with women. Both sexes like playful banter and witty conversations, especially women so practice some of that, especially when texting. If you can text your partner the way you’re texting someone on Tinder, then that will get your relationship a lot spicier.
(7) Give it more time.
Make every encounter as playful as possible and give foreplay extra care – the more, the better. In fact, if you always rush for the P or the V, then that can be why your sex life is on the decline. The Chapman University study I mentioned earlier found that sexually-satisfied couples spend at least 30 minutes on every sexual encounter compared to an average of 15 minutes spent by their unsatisfied peers.
(8) Unpack the benefits of erotic massages.
It’s time to use those magic hands for the greater good. A 2017 study by Northumbria University found that mutual massaging between couples improved their relationships. The study—which included 38 participants completing a three-week massage course—suggests that regularly giving your partner a massage improves their wellbeing and increases your shared intimacy.
There’re many ways to learn how to give proper massages. You can enroll in an offline course – though you ask a masseur/ masseuse to guide you to a good one. You can also buy a book on the art of erotic massages or use any of the many online tutorials available for free – like this and this one.
What to do, a final note:
The only thing you need to understand from this short post is that you must never take your sex life for granted. You can do everything on this list and get good results, yet if you stop midway, things will fall flat again to some degree.
So, the key here is to make a conscious effort to improve and help your partner express themselves in bed. Spend some time with your partner and plan your sex bucket list with all the things you both want to do together. Make it a game and a habit to revise that list from time to time and rate how much your love life is improving. It’s a good way to avoid a flavorless sex life.
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