Normally I read through these Douche of the Week nominations a few times before I pick a winner. This week wasn’t a normal week. As soon as I read this one, I had no doubt this was the Douche of the Week. Hell, he’s a legit candidate for Douche of the Decade.
winner loser is:
I was in court on the prosecution side, we were sitting there awaiting decision. Judge asks defendant to stand as he had some questions. Judge says “Now, how is it that you think having sex with 2 10 year old girls is appropriate and why should I let you go free?”
Without even blinking, the jerk says “they were asking for it”. My jaw dropped, unsure if I heard him properly, til the judge said “Repeat that?”. He repeated his phrase and the entire courtroom gasps. “How Sir,” the judge said “do 2 ten year old prepubescent girls with no real knowledge of sex, ask for it?”
“They were walking though the neighborhood, wearing bikinis, wiggling their hips, and singing a suggestive song. How could they not be asking for it?” The judge quiets the courtroom at this point and then asks, shaking his head “Not that any of this matters, but what suggestive song were they singing?”. “I dunno, but it was sexually suggestive and they looked like they wanted it”
Judge says into the mic “I’m about to vomit. So, your whole defense is “they were asking for it”? And, if I were to let you off, do you honestly think that your actions are alright? Do you not see what you did was wrong?”
The man sat still for a moment and finally said “How could that be wrong? It was great! You should try it sometime before you judge me.”
With that, I heard enough. Even though I was at the prosecuting table, I got up, left, and puked in a hallway trashcan.
He is the douche of all douches.
The other nominees:
A crappy boss
My boss is the douche of the week. A former employee of his had a sister who live in Japan, for three days the sister could not find her, she lived miles from the epicenter. Thankfully the sister was found alive, as well as her two children and husband.
The Today Show reunited them. When he was retelling the story and douche bag said “They were crying on TV, why the hell would they cry, I mean they found her”. HELLO. A tsunami wiped out a country DOUCHE BAG, 20,000 other people lost their lives, DOUCHE BAG, it’s not all about you. DOUCHE BAG.
The loser ex
When my ex and I were in the process of “are we going to make the marriage work/or are we going to divorce” stage, he confessed to me that he had “fallen in love” with one of his co-workers. But, to try to save the marriage, he was going to end the friendship, because I was more important.
Well, that was such a hard decision for him to make and he became rather upset and said to me (and I’m NOT kidding, this is a direct quote), “Is it too much to ask you to comfort me because I’m losing a good friend for our marriage. The least you can do is comfort me.”
Excuse me while I contact the divorce attorney.
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