I asked a female friend for help with this one since my personal experience with men is somewhat limited. She wanted to frame this stereotype in terms of neediness, but her description of the issue sounded more like selfishness — and I would be remiss not to tackle this one.
Not only are men often seen as selfish, but they are just as often given a pass for it. I know all about this growing up as the baby of my family, and, therefore, the center of attention. Perhaps because I was an only child, I was playfully teased by teachers, friends, and neighbors for my perceived selfishness as if it were a natural condition. The world seemed to revolve around me, which is nice when you’re a kid. Once you grow up and realize how insignificant you are — one of 7.7 billion people — you have to humble yourself in a hurry or risk crippling disappointment.
My first experience with this came after I graduated college. I was used to getting every internship I applied for and finished with a strong GPA and numerous accolades. But I graduated in 2008 with the economy was in free fall, and one of the hardest-hit industries was journalism, which was my major. I adjusted by applying to jobs outside my field — most of them above entry level — and the self-centered part of me expected to get those jobs even though I had little-to-no experience and was competing with people decades older in a highly competitive job market (the Washington, D.C. area). Instead of asking questions or accepting feedback, I would argue with hiring managers, flood their inboxes with follow-up e-mails, and sometimes show up to their offices uninvited — all to no avail. I soon realized I was not a unique snowflake.
Male selfishness extends to the personal realm. Too often men expect to receive things that they are not prepared to give. Many women have told me that men demand mothering from them: expecting to be validated, nurtured, and even coddled on difficult days. However, these are not the type of skills that most men value in themselves. They are called “soft” skills in corporate parlance. This implies that they are secondary to “hard” skills because there is not a man on earth who would rather be soft than hard (pun intended). They should (still) be called “people” skills. If I had valued people skills more in 2008, I may have landed a job faster. I would have also had better relationships with women.
The best way to avoid selfishness — real or perceived — is to develop people skills. They may be called soft, but they are often hard to develop. Ask questions, listen intently, and accept criticism.
And in the personal realm, if you expect something, expect to reciprocate it.
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Male Stereotype Number One: Men Don’t Cry
Male Stereotype Number Two: Men Don’t Ask for Directions
Male Stereotype Number Three: Men are Competitive
Male Stereotype Number Four: Men Don’t Cook
Male Stereotype Number Five: Men are Warriors
Male Stereotype Number Six: Men Are Clumsy
Male Stereotype Number Seven: Men Are Aggressive
Male Stereotype Number Eight: Men are Either Good or Evil
Male Stereotype Number Nine: Men Can’t Be Friends with Women
Male Stereotype Number Ten: Men are Strong
Male Stereotype Number 11: Men are Breadwinners
Male Stereotype Number 12: Men Don’t Refuse Sex
Male Stereotype Number 13: Men ‘Manspread’
Male Stereotype Number 14: Men ‘Mansplain’
Male Stereotype Number 15: Men Don’t Listen
Male Stereotype Number 16: Men Are Better Drivers
Male Stereotype Number 17: Men Like Porn
Male Stereotype Number 18: Men Don’t Do Therapy
Male Stereotype Number 19: Men Can’t Handle Commitment
Male Stereotype Number 20: Men Aren’t Feminists
Male Stereotype Number 21: Men Like Guns
Male Stereotype Number 22: Men Don’t Have Feelings
Male Stereotype Number 23: Men Don’t Shop
Male Stereotype Number 24: Men Are Leaders
Male Stereotype Number 25: Men Are Childish
Male Stereotype Number 26: Men are Stubborn
Male Stereotype Number 27: Men Are Territorial
Male Stereotype Number 28: Men Aren’t Nurturers
https://pixabay.com/en/trump-me-narcissism-grandiosity-1796203/